Everything you do that's out of your comfort zone takes guts...
I got to thinking about guts at the dog park. I can for the most part, talk to anyone who crosses my path. But its also a place where I have no guts when it comes to sticking up for my dogs. There have been several times where people have pushed/hit my dog or said something about him being mean or feisty. He's not mean he loves tennis balls and the ball chucker and doesnt like dogs humpy him... (That was my defense for Dude, I play the puppy card with Josie)
Last night, Dude was meeting another dog when the dog got in Dude's zone a little to much. Dude jumped around and growled. There were no whimpers or out of the ordinary fighting/biting noises. As the lady was walking away she noticed her dogs nose was bleeding. Not like a cut on the nose. But actually blood inside the nostril. She asked her dog if he got nipped. While I waiting for the dog to reply back to her, in my head I was thinking 'lady, if Dude bit your dog, im pretty sure he would have bit back and there would have been some sort of altercation. But it was a nose bleed, not a bite bleed.' Riddle me that. Why didn't I have the guts to say to her, "Dude did not bite your dog"
Getting back to my original thought. There are times in my life where I have thoughts in my head and really wish I would have the guts to say something. But, I move 2,000 miles from home, that takes guts. So yes, I do have guts, in some circumstances.
The reason I thought about guts is because lately, I need them. I need the guts to make friends. When I go out I am friendly an willing to talk to anyone. Well, not anyone. I shy away from talking to the bums on the corner and the angry old people I run into. It takes guts to try something new and on your own.
I also need guts to stick up for myself when it comes to co-workers and the members at work. I know what I am doing, I just need to be confident and not let their petty remarks bother me. (I'll explain later). You also need guts to talk to your significant other. To share your thoughts, concerns and just your day. For the most part I have the guts to bring up any topic. However I am still scared of rejection 2 years later. Like last night for example Matt came home from work and mentioned something about his company is looking into getting a grant to track tar balls in the gulf. Good for company/Matt= bad for Kaylee. I was open for the idea until he said 'it would suck I'd be gone for like a month at a time'. I immediatley wanted to start a conversation on how this would not be good for us.. well me actually. I know its his job. But, I can't be here for a month alone. I didnt have the guts to say something then because he had a 16 hour day at work and I knew he wanted to sleep. But now, I wanna talk about it and he's not here. Why do I get my guts now? And I know nothing is set in stone or even granted with this new project but... ughh..
But here are some examples where I do show guts. I have guts moving 2000 miles away to a city and state i've never been to. I go to lunch and shop on my own. I drive to new places not knowing where exatly I'm going. I can talk to random people at the store/work. I can tell Matt what im thinking 95% of the time. The other 5% im pretty sure he'll end up laughing at me so I save myself the embarassment and keep my thought to myself.
Alright, back to my normal blog :)
My weekend started out with my crying. Matt sent me a text saying that the secratry at work couldnt get him a hotel for Saturday. All week, I was looking forward to a mini vacation. I got in the car to come home and lost it. It was the second time that his work schedule had ruined our weekend plans. I know it's dramatic, but I couldn't help it. I think this is something I'll have to get used to when he is in season for the field work. He did offer to make it up by saying in 2 weeks I'm off and he's off and we could go anywhere for the night that I wanted. So I'm gonna do some research on some touristy places I wanna see.
About the lady from work. She is mom age and is divorced with 2 kids in their 20's. and her hair is always a mess (all of this is irrelavent really, but helps me feel better about myself.. petty, yes) She is always talking to herself. Having problems with trying to use the computer. And she's been working at LCCU for over 4 years so shes stuck in her ways. Anyways, there have been 2 occasions where I have mentioned Walgreens. Friday was my second and will be my last. I said that in Minnesota you can get souviner like items at Walgreens and asked if the same was here too. She said man you really love walgreens dont you. Um no lady I don't I was just trying to make conversation.. And before that since she always talks to herself I get half the statement or think she might have a question for me/us and may reply with a "what" or "huh" and she commented on that too.. And something about my Minnesota accent. Now, I will never pay attention to what your saying or talk to you unless it is work related. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I think your just jealous.
We had a slight heatwave last week with temps in the high 90's. I couldnt convince Matt to get an air conditioner so he slept with 3 fans on his side of the bed and I got the warm after air...that's love....
Nothing else new or exciting. I have an interview on Thursday and am trying to not get my hopes up. I'll let you know how it went.
Some of my friends got together yesterday. They had smores, a fire, and floated on the lake, im sure good conversation and fun.. I was so jealous and sad I was missing it. I sat in the back yard on a towel occasionally putting water on myself and had Quiznos for dinner.. The dogs were here, but they don't talk back...There is no comparison, I miss Duluth.
The neighbor is playing with a bb gun, im off to play spy :)
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